Alright -- we've been taking a lot of shit in the art department here at KnotMag regarding the new, subtle aquatic tone that the magazine has recently adopted. I've decided that while I could easily respond to your incessant emails individually, I would rather make fun of you en masse so that you may all marinate in your collective ignorance. So without further ado I will deftly field your questions in traditional F.A.Q. format:

Q: Are those manatees or something? What gives!?

A: Some of you are obviously familiar with my manatee obsession. However, I can assure you that my ongoing affinity towards the docile, floating, bovine boat-ramps known as "manatee" (that have terrorized Americas marine hobbyists for lo these many years) have nothing to do with this new motif.

Frankly I find your question an insult to my classical training in adobe illustrator -- If I had a glove and a sword, I should throw the glove and smite thy ruin.

Q: How can you be sure it's not a manatee?

A: A manatee or "sea cow," as you may know, is a mammal. (You know the type -- extracts oxygen from the air, generally give birth to live young, has nipples, yadda yadda.) If you'll direct your attention to the organism in the Knot Magazine title bar and in the background of the website, you'll notice that it possesses none of these characteristics and is, in fact, a fish.

Q: Is this any indication that Knot Magazine will be altering its content?

A: Shit ... not that I know of. I didn't really ask anybody if they wanted fish in the site -- I just kinda woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, drank some jägermeister and did it. You might try asking Editor-In-Chief Jennie Dorris about the fish but she'll probably deny their existence.

Q: Did you realize that April 1st isn't for another couple weeks?

A: For the last time -- this isn't a fucking joke.

Q: Are these freshwater fish? Or saltwater fish?

A: While my depiction is not entirely accurate, the fish in the site are a stylized representation of a domesticated carp, koi or nishikigoi as the Japanese call them. Koi have been bred in fresh water ponds in Japan for hundreds of years. In exceptional cases koi have been known to live as long as 200 years. However, if it turns out that Knot Magazine is in fact a saltwater magazine, the lifespan of our fish will be significantly less.

Q: How long will the fish last if Knot Magazine turns out to be a saltwater webzine?

A: Disappointingly short. The koi will only be able to tolerate the salinity of seawater for a short period of time. The fish's cells will automatically adjust their own level of salinity to match their surrounding environment. Since the fish cannot discard the salt in its cells, it would instead compensate for the change by expelling water. Too long in a high-sodium environment would be devastating to the organism on a cellular level. The animal would essentially dehydrate; aint homeostasis a bitch? It's a hard thing to watch so let's hope for the best.

Q: Is there some underlying metaphor or deeper truth behind the koi?

A: If you must know, the koi is essentially a domesticated derivative of a common carp -- one of the most brainless, disease-infested, bottom-feeding fish that the animal kingdom has to offer. Only painstaking and tedious breeding over many, many years has allowed the carp to become the graceful and vibrantly colorful creature you see swimming in Japanese gardens. Hence, while the common carp is bland, uninteresting and tastes like garbage, the koi is graceful, aesthetically striking and tastes like garbage. Not to mention often worth hundreds if not thousands of dollars. So by this logic you could say that through many years of effort, Knot Magazine, once a common carp, has become a beautiful and valuable koi.

You could also say that metaphors are a dime a fucking dozen and I just pulled that last bit out of my ass. Don't be ridiculous, everybody knows I never think about anything before I do it.

Q: What do manatees eat?

A: What the fuck! Do I look like fucking Ranger Rick to you!? For Christ's sake, you're already on the internet -- google it already.