Becky: A couple months ago, a guy I'd met through a mutual friend a few months earlier sent me an e-mail out of the blue. He was wondering what I'd been up to and suggested we get together. We met for drinks, and before we knew it, it was three hours later. He invited me to see a band play the following weekend, and I gladly accepted. I loved talking to him, and he was -- for a pleasant change -- a really nice guy. We had fun that night, but I never heard from him again. It turns out he wanted a relationship with me, and upon learning I didn't feel the same way, put a halt to all contact with me. It didn't matter that I was ready to have a great friendship with him, and who knows? It could have become something more later.

This is not the first time a guy has run when he found out I wasn't interested. In fact, I have very few guy friends, all of whom I've known since high school. I don't understand. What makes it so impossible for the opposite sex to maintain strictly platonic relations with me? I know a lot of girls with great guy friends.

Jennie: I was out at my favorite bar last week, and my friends and I were doing our favorite people-watching game. We were musing which of four guys a girl was with, when I suddenly looked around and wondered what people thought of me, jabbering along with nine other guys.

I love my guy friends, but it's obviously rare that guys come up and hit on me with nine older-brother types surrounding me. And it seems every new guy I manage to meet immediately becomes a great friend. In fact, I think I became friends with the guy you were just talking about. How can we get a compromise between our situations?

Oh, and to clear things up -- I'm keeping none of my guy friends as hopeful Plan-Bs. And it's not like I'm happily taken as a girlfriend of one of their friends -- I'm a single gal. How can I break my just-friends cycle?

B: I wish I had the answer for you, Jennie. I was talking about my problem with a friend, and she came up with a great theory as to what distinguishes girls with only guy friends from girls with only boyfriends. She says it's a matter of availability. Girls who tend to be unavailable, either because they have a boyfriend or are way too busy for one, tend to be friends with guys much more than a girl who is often single or, even if she isn't, always keeps her options open.

And that makes sense in my case. In high school, I had a lot of guy friends, and I also had a few long-term relationships. And even when I was single, I was so busy (and picky) that I was unavailable. But later in college and after graduation, I was often single or casually dating someone, and I no longer had such a hectic schedule, making me much more available.

J: I think guys have a huge "needy radar." A lot of boys I talk to are worried about psycho potential. If a girl has a boyfriend, she somehow automatically passes the psycho test -- guys figure if another guy accepted her, she must be cool. But we single gals have to get non-psycho credit, which unfortunately seems to mean being really fucking busy. The problem is, if we're too independent and motivated and confident, we scare them off. Is there a good balance?

I don't have the right to complain too much, because this conversation got me thinking about how much I love my guy friends. They always ask me how I'm doing and pretend to be interested. When I lived with three guys, I rarely went to sleep without them coming upstairs to say goodnight to me. They just came over and fixed my car, and then followed me around town to make sure it drove well. What are some of your favorite things about your straight guy pals?

B: I agree finding a balance is frustrating. Like you said, if you're single and not running around like a crazy person, guys think you're this helpless, needy thing. I also think it can be a matter of ego. It's a lot easier for a guy to say to himself, "Oh, she'd be with me if she didn't have a boyfriend" or "She's way too busy for a relationship" than "She's single but just doesn't want to be with me." What I find interesting, though, is a lot of girls I know are willing to be friends with a single guy who's not interested in them, maybe in the hopes he'll realize what a great person she is and change his mind.

As for my favorite things about guy pals, I have a lot. Girls can sometimes be catty, jealous and gossipy, but I've never had that problem with my guy friends. They'll listen to you spew your problems without passing an ounce of judgment, and they provide a different point of view. They're content hanging out and throwing back a few beers. And you're right, Jennie, they will help with anything, from computer problems to car issues to figuring out how to program your new television.

Let me ask you this: How did you get your guy friends? Were they friends of friends?

J: I agree with you. I think that girls will absolutely play the good-friend role in hopes of scoring the guy. With guys, I think it's different. I've noticed, at least with my guy friends, that I seem to be a girl they would like to date, just not a girl they would actually date. That's one of my favorite things about my guy friends: I don't think we're ever going to have some awful, catastrophic When Harry Met Sally moment. We're really just friends.

As soon as you asked how I met my guy friends, I realized exactly why they are just pals. I meet most of the guys in my life through playing the drums -- we're gigging together or collaborating on tunes, and I tend to be placed higher than them. Likewise, my other group of guy friends consists of the guys I chose to help with KnotMag. While we're friends, I'm also their boss. I'm sure there's definitely some kind of romantic buzz-kill when a girl is in a position of power over you, or even just working and talking shop with you 24-7.

I just started to wonder, if people see a girl like me out with a big group of guys, am I blocking them from meeting girls?

B: If I were out and saw a bunch of guys and a girl, I wouldn't be intimidated. It would be clear to me that she was a friend or maybe a girlfriend of one of the guys. I'd just try to make sure the guy I wanted to approach wasn't in fact her boyfriend! I'm less likely to talk to a guy if it's just him and a girl or two, because then chances are he's with -- or interested in being with -- one of them.

Long story short, no, you're not ruining their chances. In fact, I always take it as a good sign when guys have girl pals. It suggests they're not just interested in girls for superficial reasons, and they clearly know how to treat women; otherwise, the girl wouldn't hang out with him.

J: May I wax poetic about why every girl should have guy friends? They key you into secret ways to earn more cool points. Such as, girls should ALWAYS finish their drinks. I can't count the amount of times my guy friends have scorned a table of girls that leave beers half full. Well, they scorn and then drink the leftovers.

Also, for some reason, guys have patience when it comes to things like showing off their car knowledge. When you want to be talked through any kind of car problem or repair, they are endlessly patient in explaining and showing you what's wrong. It makes them feel good about themselves, I guess, but you also get to feel like a badass young lady that can change her oil and a flat tire.

B: Oh, I know! They are a great source of knowledge that girls don't usually have. And I think we are for them, too. I can't tell you how many guys my friends and I have had to educate about clothes, getting a girl's attention, cooking...

Just out of curiosity, have you ever ended up dating a guy friend? It would certainly be easy to fall for a guy you already know is great. I know, because I did. I met this guy my freshman year of college. He had a crush on me, but there were no sparks, no chemistry whatsoever. He actually did the reverse of what we were just discussing -- he stuck around in the hopes he'd win me over. After two years, he did, and we were together on and off (hey, it's college, there's drama) for close to three years. For the most part, the relationship was wonderful, and there was none of that first-date, first-month awkwardness, because we knew so much about each other. And he had seen me at my best and worst, so I knew he really cared about me. Even during our breaks, which were amicable, we kept in touch. Unfortunately, he had commitment issues he couldn't settle, and we officially ended it. We haven't talked in a while, but there may be potential for a friendship in the future. He's a great friend (just a really lousy boyfriend) and it's a shame to throw away a good friendship with a boy, especially when they're so few and far between for me!

J: My friend and I have a metaphor -- a really bad metaphor -- comparing good relationships to hittin' cruise control on the highway. The beginning and messy part of a relationship is trying to get on the highway -- and usually finding out his accelerator is broken or his habits so ridiculous they make you want to blow a tire. But with some guys, I just immediately turn on the blinker and get off on the friend exit. And luckily, oh-so-luckily, it seems all my guy friends I've friend-exited with feel the same way.

But however relaxed I am here in Friendville, I'm always looking to get back on the highway, and I've found my guy friends actually help me do this. Last fall, I was starting to see a guy. He was out with my boys, and after a comment he made, my friend Jim wrinkled his nose just a tiny bit. It was over. However, a new guy hung out with my friends, and they proclaimed he was "fucking cool." Pairing your own girl intuition with that of your guy friends (who can smell a phony guy sometimes way before we can) is actually a brilliant way for me to find some decent guys. And for all they give me -- advice on cars, help with my computer, homemade soup when I'm sick, love advice and hugs -- I often wonder what I give back. I try to point out cute girls that may be "cool." I tell them if their ass looks good in their jeans. But god be damned if I don't feel thankful for whatever it was, be it my long-term boyfriend for most of college, or my fiercely busy schedule, or my kind of boyish way of acting, that got these guys to sign up to be my friends. I wouldn't trade it for anything.